A Winter of the Mind

win·ter (wntr)
n.
1. The usually coldest season of the year, occurring between autumn and spring, extending in the Northern Hemisphere from the winter solstice to the vernal equinox, and popularly considered to be constituted by December, January, and February.

2. A year as expressed through the recurrence of the winter season.


3. A period of time characterized by coldness, misery, barrenness, or death.

My autumn is far gone, joining my ignorant summer six feet beneath the frozen earth.
Dim thinking, dim light surround the existence of a girl who thought she could get what she wanted on her own.
My thoughts are brittle and dark.
The Color was ripped from my being by my own hand, and I am naked, black and white, sapped, leeched, and barren before the eyes of the disdainful.
And the brittle darkness is always on my mind.
I am Broken.
wretched and deserving
of nothing more than this midnight I receive.
But still the cleanse comes in the blackness of my mind's night.
In the dark hours of dark thoughts, of destructive will, dry weeping, of ill dreams, the bleached bliss overtakes me
and I awaken under the blessing of your mercy.

My nakedness, my brokenness, my inadequacy is covered, turned white.
turned pure:
before the eyes of the disdainful, who now can only envy the will that could so transform a barren spirit into a thing of beauty.
The white brings a soft darkness of its own, crushing out the garish cloudlight
and clouding out the noise,
and in this silent dark, this white-walled room of grateful madness
you are with me.

The heavens are telling the glory of God;
And their expanse is declaring the work of His hands.
Day to day pours forth speech,
And night to night reveals knowledge.

O Lord, my rock and my Redeemer.
Psalm 19: 1-3, 14.